Matt Whistler acts his socks off and gets the part!

Matt Whistler with Dan Aherne .. Crimson Horse Theatre group» Mad Matt

 

Matt received this week’s challenge via a conversation in a newsagents, which led to inner city Chinese whispers and a visit from a homing pigeon before it was revealed in a metal detector on the seafront.

The metal detector told him to go to a phone box at 2pm on Tuesday (21 June) afternoon and wait for a call that Matt remembers being both alarming and confusing: “The phone rang at once and a voice said I that may be recorded for quality and training purposes and that I was being watched,” Matt recalled.
He quickly established that it was Sascha Cooper on the other end after she asked where his famous red hat came from. But after looking around, Matt found Sascha was nowhere to be seen.

The call continued: SC: Are you really Matt Whistler?

MW: “Yes.”

SC: “Can you say red-lorry-yellow-lorry?”

MW “Yes.”

SC “Well what’s holding you back?”

MW: “Red-lorry-yellow-lorry-red-lorry yellow-lorry.” 

SC: “Faster!” 

MW: Red-yolli-rel-norry-yell-lorrer-ned-nolly.”

SC: “Sounds like you need help; stay on the line.”

Dan Aherne: “Hi, my name’s Dan. I can’t explain now, just wait for us at this location and don’t bring any friends or the red Umbro bag gets it.”

Come 3pm, Sascha and Dan arrived and took Matt to a small oddly shaped prayer room with a lawn mower masquerading as an industrial vacuum cleaner and a sink area for cleaning feet. 

Having also spotted a plastic Holy washing basket Matt instantly assumed that he was about to be auditioned for a human mousetrap advert.

“I thought I was about to be asked to ride on the industrial vacuum cleaner while one of my assailants tried to slam the Holy washing basket on my bonce,” he said, “but how wrong could I have been.”

The director of the Crimson Horse Theatre plonked a script in Matt’s hands and rather than live Mouse Trap he found he’d be auditioning for a role in Franz Kafka’s dark comedy, The Trial. 

In fact, Matt wasn’t just auditioning for one role, he was being cast as three characters by director, Daniel, who has adapted Kafka’s obscure classic.
Matt nailed his script read, and said: “At the point where I shouted ‘He’s dismissing the lawyer. He’s going to dismiss the lawyer!’, a security guard opened the door to enquire if everything was okay.” 

Having completed this challenge, Matt now faces an even greater one as he prepares to tread the boards at Iambic Theatre on Gardener Street for the show running 12–17 July.

He said: “This play is right up my strata. Its wallow in bureaucratic baloney reminds me of those phone calls where you get to know everyone in the company before realising that three days have passed.”

Watch Matt undertake his theatre challenge at Iambic Arts Theatre, 38 Gardener Street, BN1 1UN with tickets available at www.iambicarts.com or suggest his next challenge at www.facebook.com/latest7 or www.facebook.com/mattwhistlerbrighton

Matt Whistler’s ‘T-Rex In The City’ blog

» Mad Matt

This week’s venture into the unknown saw Matt try to get a date dressed as the original 20th century boy, Marc Bolan, and blog about his efforts to ‘get it on’.

“Well, if Sarah Jessica Parker and company can make two massive movies out of it then I don’t see why ‘T-Rex In The City’ won’t work just as well,” said Matt.

Matt’s wardrobe made the transformation simple. Donned with a trademark velvet jacket and top hat for his new profile picture on Gumtree, he set about finding a date.
“My ad read: Marc Bolan look-a-like seeks date for internet blog,” he said, “And the response was overwhelming. The kind I thought was reserved for when someone loses his toothbrushes.”

As Matt sifted through the responses he thought he’d found an absolute stunner. “They say don’t judge a book by its cover but she was the most beautifully bound book of all books with salacious long legs and hair to die for… Well, at least that’s what I thought when I saw her from the other end of the tunnel on the seafront,” he said. 

Unfortunately, as the tall blonde emerged from the darkness into the light, she seemed to transform from a white swan into more of an ugly duckling.

“I suddenly realised there had been a mistake and the ad had been picked up by a transvestite.

“Before I could say ‘Telegram Sam’, I was dramatically pulled into the bosom of a man as he said ‘Well hello there, Mr Hot Love.

“I’m not saying this was a disaster but it was definitely unexpected.”

Despite the shock, the rest of the evening proved to be a success as the pair enjoyed a charming evening meal at Bom Banes. The Belgian cuisine was lovely and not one hair from Matt’s curly wig fell into the soup.

“The conversation was bubbly as the cocktails flowed amidst banter that was both fascinating and sillyphosical,” Matt said. “Although I did make it clear in a jovial manner that desert was strictly waffles only.” 

The Bolan attire even came in handy at the end of the night as on the way down St James’s Street, Matt’s ‘date’ started to take an extra shine to him.

“The tranny asked to borrow my metallic blue platform boots, so I tossed the feather boa round my neck and left a trail of sequins and glitter in my wake,” he said.

Let us know what adventures you’d like Matt to get up to next at www.facebook.com/latest7

PADDLE ROUND THE PIER 2011

» Mad Matt

Matt Whistler paddles with danger

The annual Paddle Round The Pier event (3 July) provided the perfect setting for Matt’s latest challenge. The brief from iconic local painter Mervin Etienne (AKA Artistmerv) was simple: find a boat and paddle it around the old West Pier to claim victory in the Paddle’s main event.

Part one proved simple enough as Matt was able to buy a boat from fellow comedian Dave Thompson for £20, but the name didn’t exactly fill him with confidence.
“I took my travelling vessel back to my house only to realise its moniker challenged fisherman’s superstitions – it was called The Clown Of Death.

“A Navy friend told me about a boat he’d been on that flaunted fisherman law. It was named Friday, set sail on a Friday – and sunk the same day. But then again, he also named a boat Titanic 2,” he said.

Despite the name and the boat’s slightly ramshackle construction, Matt was assured that it would “sail like a knife through butter – well butter left out of the fridge for a couple of days anyway.”

And with that ringing endorsement, Matt prepared to set sail alongside co-paddler and Latest TV co-ordinator, William Ranieri. Would the Clown Of Death hold out for the duration or would this clown be laughing at Matt and William while they were left swimming with the fishes?

Matt donned his superhero undies, sequin hat and cape for the race but the duos paddling technique wasn’t quite so super and they began to veer off somewhere into the Channel.

A lifeboat came over and a Hoff look-a-like said that if they didn’t get back on track there would be carnage. But even after they did manage to redirect away from France, there was still carnage.

“Just as we got to the end of the West Pier, one of the paddles snapped and rendered us incapable of sailing in a straight line.

“After going in circles for 10 minutes I found the substitute paddle I had packed, but the wooden tennis racket didn’t work as well as expected,” Matt said.

Fortunately, the lifeboat returned and they were able to give Matt and William a cheeky tow, which saw them literally fly past all the other paddlers at G-force speed.
With the speedboat at full speed Matt struck his best James Bond pose, although he said William didn’t really appreciate being called Pussy Galore.

Having finished the race in some style, the boat still needed to be transported back but Matt was able to use the customised wheelie-bin, land conversion kit and rode the bin-boat all the way home.

See the Clown of Death’s voyage at www.paddleroundthepier.com or suggest Matt’s next challenge at www.facebook.com/latest7 or www.facebook.com/mattwhistlerbrighton

ON WAY HOME

MELON HEAD

» Mad Matt

Matt ain’t slipping on no more banana skins

Breaking news! Matt Whistler says his goodbyes in true comedy fashion. And by this we don’t mean he was parading up and down a department store shouting “I’M FREE!”.

The local naked sledder, ‘Surfin’ Bird’ pop icon, who once lived in a green house for four weeks, among various other odd endeavours, has said his goodbyes to the comedy world.

Matt was strolling down Waterloo Street in Brighton, when a prize-winning full ripe melon flew from the top balcony of a maisonette apartment and brought Matt to the ground in an instant. In his slightly concussed state, Matt Whistler is reported to have said before being hoisted into the ambulance: “I feel like a right lemon.”  A local witness said, “It all looked so red, mushy and visually fantastic.”

The gleaming fruit, escaped the hands of Jake Aplotment, who was receiving the inaugural prize for Brighton’s biggest melon. A Latest 7 spokeman said, “He always brought cheer to our office, although the biscuits seemed to go down very quickly. Matt often carried an ashtray in his left pocket, which was basically a plate with a hole in the middle.”

ROCKING HORSE BUNGEE JUMP 23th July 2011

The bungee jump at end of video

Matt Whistler is well known for his hilarious and daring stunts.
Hundreds of thousands of people watched his naked snow ride down Southover Street on a tea tray last November and follow that up by dressing in a mankini for "the bird is the word" number three hit last Christmas. Now we see Matt bungee jump for Rockinghorse in this week's Brighton Lights. We put a camera on Matt's head and took our other cameras up the platform high in the sky above Brighton with people and cars below looking like ants. Now you will know exactly what every foot of that jump looks and feels like thanks to the brilliant camerawork of Latest TV's William Ranieri. Val Aviv interviews Emma Millar from Rockinghorse who have made this amazing day one of Brighton's best days in just 6 years. Also on this show Brighton's top comedians wow Edinburgh and Vicky Nangle meets Zoe Lyons, Flange Krammer and Nick Helm and we watch them perform excerpts from their new shows. As our Brighton Lights theme tune goes " I wasn't born here but I was born to be here"!! Val Aviv presents Brighton Lights 29. She should say " it is amazing"

THIS IS IT

'THE GREAT STOOPID'

TAKES A LEAP OF FAITH WOOOOOOOOOAAAOOOOOOAOOOOOOAOOHOOAOOA

SHOCKED ONLOOKERSNOT SURE ABOUT THISYUM YUMCOULD I HAVE SOME RASBERRY RIPPLEICE CREAM BALANCING ... BUNGEE TRAINING

Suit Gresham Blake